The Descent

Before we go any further, I want to be clear about something:
I’m going to be real in this post — honest, raw, and deeply human.

I’m also going to share what actually helped me heal — not just emotionally, but biochemically.
You’ll learn about the physiology behind despair, the hormone imbalances that shaped my story, and the practical things I did to reclaim my body — the tools, supplements, and shifts you can try too.

This isn’t a highlight reel.
This is what it took to want to be alive again.

You’re not starting this journey behind me — you’re being empowered to understand what you need to heal your mind, body, and spirit.
I’m not here to be admired.
I’m here to show you what I’ve lived through so you can move through what’s in front of you.

Super vulnerable share…
I’ve tried to kill myself. Three times.
Not because I wanted to die — but because the dysregulation was so severe, the hormonal crash so intense, that ending everything felt like the only relief.

That’s what PMDD looked like for me. That’s how hijacked I felt by my own body, and how unheard I was by everyone I turned to for help.

Every period, I’d bleed so heavily I’d vomit.
I was high on cannabis most of the time just to eliminate the reality of what was happening in my body.

I went to the top OB-GYN in my area — the one all my doula friends recommended.
First, he offered me an IUD and told me women weren’t “meant” to have periods — that we were meant to get pregnant over and over again until we died at 35.

Wrong.

My body expelled the Mirena IUD after one excruciatingly painful month.
And you know what the same OB-GYN offered me next?

A hysterectomy.

I was just 25 years old.
I had only one child.
I wanted more. I’ve had more.

Can you imagine if I had listened?
That was the care I received.
That was the system’s best answer.

---

🧠 The Biochemistry of Despair

PMDD isn’t “just PMS.” It’s a neurological traffic jam — a storm of progesterone and GABA gone wrong.

Let’s talk about it plainly.
GABA is your calming neurotransmitter — the chemical that tells your brain and body, “You’re safe. You can exhale.”
It’s what quiets intrusive thoughts, soothes anxiety, and helps you sleep.

But in PMDD, when progesterone rises after ovulation, your GABA receptors — which are like tiny pistons in your brain — stop moving efficiently. They can’t translate the progesterone signal into calm.
Instead of being soothed, your brain becomes inflamed, irritated, and emotionally volatile.

So what should be a gentle exhale becomes panic, depression, rage, despair.
It’s not a mindset issue — it’s biochemical miscommunication.

PMDD is often genetic. You didn’t cause it. You’re not broken.
It’s not “all in your head,” it’s in your neurochemistry — and that’s something we can work with.

And I’m not about to gatekeep what’s helped me:
👉 Get yourself some high-quality methylated Vitamin B12 (your nervous system’s cofactor for methylation).
👉 Supplement GABA during the second half of your cycle — when progesterone peaks and those pistons start to jam.

Personally, I’ve worked it down to where I only need GABA on Day 16 — right after ovulation, when that hormone shift hits hardest.
It’s still a low key day, but not a tragic one — and that’s the difference.

Now, want to know what the medical model will offer you instead?
You’ll be handed SSRIs, because they assume you’re serotonin deficient.
Or they’ll throw you on birth control to shut your cycle down completely — as if the solution to dysregulation is to eliminate rhythm altogether.

None of that addresses why your GABA pistons aren’t firing.
None of that helps your body remember safety.

That’s why this work matters.

---

🩸 Endometriosis: The Most Mistreated Lie

Endometriosis — what an outright mistreated lie.

This was the reason my provider recommended a hysterectomy.
And how many women — including my own mother — have had one for endo, for “bleeding and pain problems”?
I refused.

Here’s what we know:
Endo is when endometrial tissue grows outside the uterus.
But here’s what’s rarely said: surgeons often find this tissue incidentally — in women who have zero pain or symptoms.

So the question becomes:
Why does it cause agony in some and go unnoticed in others?

I’ve seen two root pathways that make all the difference — both in myself and in my clients.

1️⃣ Estrogen Dominance

What makes endometrial tissue grow?
Estrogen.

Let’s start here, because this one runs deep — and it’s wildly misunderstood.
Estrogen dominance isn’t just “too much estrogen.” It’s too much in relation to progesterone, the hormone that’s supposed to balance and calm it.

Estrogen is powerful — she’s growth, fertility, curves, softness, and vitality.
But without progesterone’s grounding energy to stabilize her, she becomes chaotic: emotional volatility, water retention, heavy bleeding, clotting, insomnia, breast tenderness, midsection weight gain, and that deep sense that you’re “too much” for your own body.

When estrogen is unopposed, the body grows tissue it shouldn’t — fibroids, cysts, endometriosis, PMS, PMDD — and you feel it everywhere.
She’s the architect of creation, but in excess, she becomes the architect of chaos.

So what causes the dominance?
It’s not your body’s betrayal — it’s your body’s environment.

🧴 Xenoestrogens — synthetic estrogen mimickers — are everywhere: plastics, receipts, laundry detergents, fragrance, pesticides, and conventional meat and dairy.
They bind to your estrogen receptors and amplify your signal like static on an old radio.

🧠 Stress converts progesterone into cortisol**, leaving even less to balance estrogen’s surge. The more you live in fight-or-flight, the more your body sacrifices hormonal harmony for survival.

💩 Poor liver detoxification means estrogen isn’t being metabolized properly.
It stays in circulation instead of being cleared. This is Phase I and Phase II liver detox — what most people don’t realize is that the methylation and glucuronidation pathways depend on nutrients like B vitamins, magnesium, and amino acids.
When you’re undernourished, stressed, or inflamed, your detox stalls and estrogen just… lingers.

🥖 The gut plays a role too. There’s a whole community of bacteria called the estrobolome that helps regulate estrogen levels by producing an enzyme called beta-glucuronidase.
When your gut is overrun with dysbiosis, yeast, or pathogens, that enzyme gets overactive — unbinding estrogen that your body already worked to excrete, recycling it right back into your bloodstream.

And here’s the most important thing:
Estrogen dominance doesn’t just live in your biochemistry — it shows up in your energy.

It’s the people-pleasing.
The over-giving.
The exhaustion that follows from constantly creating, nurturing, building, holding, without ever being held.

It’s women running on masculine output because they’ve forgotten how to rest in their feminine rhythms.

When I work with women with estrogen dominance, I don’t just look at labs like the DUTCH test.
I look at their lives.
Because if your nervous system is wired for performance instead of peace, your hormones are simply following your lead.

---

Healing estrogen dominance starts with clearing the backlog and restoring rhythm:

🌿 Support your liver daily — with protein, cruciferous vegetables, and minerals like zinc and magnesium.
🥩 Eat a nutrient-dense, low-inflammatory diet that stabilizes blood sugar and feeds your mitochondria.
🚿 Ditch plastics and fragrances — your skin and lungs are hormone receptors too.
🧘‍♀️ Regulate stress, not by numbing but by feeling. The body can’t detox what it won’t acknowledge.
💫 And most importantly: remember your cyclic nature.
You are meant to ebb and flow. Suppression is not healing — it’s hiding.

2️⃣ Inflammation

Inflammation is the silent amplifier of endometriosis.
It’s what turns a small biological imbalance into systemic chaos.

We’re taught to think of inflammation as something that happens when you sprain an ankle or get an infection.
But chronic, low-grade inflammation — the kind that simmers for years — changes everything: your hormones, your immunity, even the way your brain perceives pain.

Endometrial lesions themselves are inflammatory.
They secrete cytokines that signal danger to the immune system.
Your immune cells rush in, swelling the tissue, increasing vascular permeability, and releasing prostaglandins — chemical messengers that heighten pain.
And here’s the kicker: those prostaglandins are produced through the COX-2 pathway, which is fueled by omega-6 fatty acids.

Now, omega-6s aren’t the enemy — we need them in small amounts.
But the modern American diet has completely hijacked that balance.
Between canola oil, soybean oil, sunflower oil, and the seed oils hiding in nearly every packaged food, the ratio of omega-6 to omega-3 is often 20:1 or higher.
That’s not just inflammatory — it’s pain-promoting.
It keeps your COX-2 pathway locked on.

Meanwhile, omega-3s — found in wild fish, grass-fed meat, and pastured eggs — are what balance that ratio, producing anti-inflammatory eicosanoids that help resolve pain.
But most women aren’t getting nearly enough, and their cells literally can’t turn inflammation off.

This is why so many women with endo feel like their pain “has a life of its own.”
It does — because inflammation is its own life form inside you, fed by every bite of processed oil, sugar, and pesticide-laced food.

And it’s not just diet.
Inflammation is also emotional.
Cortisol (your stress hormone) and prostaglandins (your pain hormones) are intimately connected.
When you’re chronically stressed, your body perceives threat even when none is present — and inflammation stays elevated.

Add in environmental toxins — mold exposure, synthetic fragrance, plastics, glyphosate — and the immune system is so overwhelmed that it starts misfiring.
Endometrial tissue, which might have once been inert, becomes the perfect stage for immune confusion.

But the good news?
When you regulate inflammation, you change the terrain.
You make it harder for rogue tissue to thrive, and easier for your body to do what it’s designed to do — clean house.

For me, that meant eliminating inflammatory oils, processed foods, and refined sugars.
It meant supporting detox pathways with magnesium, taurine, and sulfur-rich foods like eggs and cruciferous vegetables.
It meant protecting my nervous system so it could stop sounding the alarm 24/7.

I don’t have endo symptoms anymore.
Because I stopped fighting the tissue — and started supporting the environment.

---

I don’t have endo symptoms anymore.
Do I still have tissue in places it “shouldn’t” be?
Probably. My body has hypermobile Ehlers Danlos which means my connective tissue is more permeable — it’s inevitable.

But it doesn’t cause me pain, because my body has time for autophagy — that beautiful, natural cleanup process where your cells recycle what doesn’t belong.

I don’t need surgery.
I don’t need suppression.
I need rhythm, nourishment, and time.

---

The Next Layer

Fast forward — a pandemic, two more babies, a divorce, a move, a new partnership…
I was 205 pounds, exhausted, inflamed, overstimulated, anxious, and completely disconnected from joy, clarity, and even my own family.

I remember wondering if I was even a woman.
Maybe I was non-binary.
Maybe it would just be easier to be no one at all.
Definitely better than being me.

When I wasn’t suicidal, I was looking for another way out.
Maybe another divorce.
Maybe I’d leave my kids with my partner.
Maybe I’d become the mom I never understood — the one who disappears.
I get it now.

When life is that hard, at some point, you have to choose you, right?
If I couldn’t end myself, I thought maybe I could at least end the life that was breaking me.

I tried everything.

Meds. Supplements. Psychedelics. Plant medicine.
Alternative protocols. Integrative specialists.
I spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on everyone who claimed to know better.

And still — I was in the dark.

---

Becoming My Own Healer

Eventually, I stopped outsourcing my healing.
I became my own health coach.

Not because I wanted to — because I had to.

I stopped spending thousands of dollars and started spending thousands of hours.
I learned about the gut microbiome, genetics, toxic food systems, the medical industrial complex, the history behind the food pyramid.
I studied keto, carnivore, functional blood sugar regulation, hormonal patterns — and eventually learned from the educator behind the DUTCH test itself.

Every layer, every modality, every pivot — it was never about the credentials.
It was because I was listening.
Because I’ve always been a healer.
A helper.
A lightning rod for truth.

Even when my spirit was too tired to shine through my biology, I shifted myself.
I waded through discomfort.
I knew there was a version of me out there who was happy, peaceful, healthy, light, strong, abundant, curious, gracious, thankful.
Me.

My body wasn’t failing me out of betrayal.
She was failing because she couldn’t keep carrying the weight of everything I’d ignored.

---

The Rebirth

Maybe this isn’t a rebirth story.
Maybe it’s a remembering.

A remembering that healing doesn’t start when you find the right supplement —
it starts when you start asking the right questions.

When you stop outsourcing your intuition to a lab report.
When you stop assuming someone else has the answer for your body.
When you start realizing that what’s been called “mystery” or “imbalance” is often just a mismatch between how you’re living and how you were designed.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You just need to begin noticing:

💭 What makes you feel safe?
🍳 What foods make you feel alive — not just full?
🌙 What rhythms does your body crave, even when your calendar says otherwise?
🫁 Where do you still silence your breath to fit the mold?

That’s where the healing starts — in curiosity.
In the willingness to listen when your body whispers before it screams.
In giving yourself permission to seek help that feels like partnership, not authority.

---

🌾 Finding the Right Kind of Help

If you’re still lost, start small:
Find someone who listens before they diagnose.
Who believes your pain even when your labs look “normal.”
Who sees your body as wise, not broken.

Because the right practitioner isn’t there to fix you —
they’re there to remind you that you were never unfixable.

And when you start to gather the right team, something shifts.
Your questions get sharper.
Your nervous system softens.
Your faith — in your body, your timing, your Creator — starts to come back online.

That’s not the end of a journey.
That’s the beginning of one that finally makes sense.

---

🌸 The Miracle of Alignment

Pre-pregnancy I weighed 160 pounds — but that number only tells the smallest part of the story.

I’ve lost over 45 pounds, yes — but what I’ve really lost are the layers that kept me from hearing my body’s voice.
The inflammation. The anxiety. The exhaustion. The shame.
The quiet fear that I’d never feel normal again.

In one month alone, I only lost two pounds, but I shed two inches off my waist — because that time, my body isn’t being forced.
From a size 14 to a size 6… my body… a size 6!
She’s responding.
She’s trusting me again.

My cycle lasts 28 days.
My mind is clear.
My nervous system holds steady through stress that once would’ve wrecked me.
I don’t crash in luteal anymore — I flow.

And here’s the part that still makes me emotional every time I speak it aloud:
I no longer have PMDD.
Those biochemical storms that once made me suicidal — gone.

When my progesterone rises now, my GABA receptors — those tiny pistons of calm that once froze under pressure — finally move the way they’re supposed to.
I still supplement GABA around day 16 of my cycle, when that hormonal shift is strongest, and it’s enough.
No longer tragic days — just slower ones.
No more spirals.
No more collapse.
Just a body that knows how to regulate again.

And as for endometriosis — the same diagnosis that once had doctors recommending a hysterectomy at twenty-five — my symptoms are gone too.
Maybe the tissue still exists somewhere (I’ll never know), but it no longer rules my life.
I no longer bleed until I vomit.
I no longer curl up on the bathroom floor praying for it to stop.

Why?
Because I stopped feeding the fire.
I stopped living in estrogen dominance — that biochemical pattern that drives mood swings, midsection weight, breast tenderness, and rage disguised as “hormones.”
I supported my liver’s detox pathways, stabilized blood sugar, restored magnesium, and gave my body the safety it needed to process what had been stuck.

I also dismantled the second root: inflammation.
The COX-2 pathway — the same one lit up by the omega-6 heavy, seed-oil-saturated American diet — is a pain amplifier.
It doesn’t just hurt; it sustains hurt.
By changing my inputs — switching to nutrient-dense fats, grass-fed meats, whole minerals, and living food — the pain stopped having fuel.
I gave my body the space for autophagy, that quiet cellular housekeeping that clears away tissue where it doesn’t belong.

So maybe the endometrial tissue is still there —
but it’s not angry anymore.
And neither am I.

---

Welcoming in New Life — Not just mine

And the most beautiful proof of all?
I’m expecting our fourth baby in the spring of 2026.

but more importantly I wanted to, I asked for this, I listened to the whispers from God that asked us to welcome another little soul into our family.
My partner and I got pregnant the very first month we tried.

After years of fighting my own biology, I now live inside a body that creates life with ease.
And it happened not through luck or miracle — but through alignment.
Through reverence for what God designed.

That’s not coincidence.
That’s coherence.
That’s what happens when your chemistry finally matches your spirit.

And for the first time in my adult life — even before pregnancy, I live sober.
No alcohol. No cannabis.
No numbing.
No needing to escape my own skin.

I don’t need to check out anymore, because I love being in.
I enjoy presence — the raw, clear, electric beauty of being here.
I can cry and not crumble.
I can feel everything and not drown.
I can sit in the quiet without needing to disappear from it.

I can’t quite explain it,
but I can tell you what it feels like —
what I imagine God intended for us to feel:

✨ Happy. Peaceful. Steady.
Strong but soft.
Alert but unburdened.
Held by grace, yet fully alive in body.

It feels like coming home to creation itself.

And I want this for you.

I want every woman, every man, every mother, father, and child to know what it means to enjoy being alive.
To wake up and not immediately want to change yourself.
To experience peace that doesn’t require perfection.
To live in a body that wants to be here — because you’ve finally stopped fighting her.

Because healing isn’t a miracle reserved for the few.
It’s a return to design.
It’s what happens when we stop numbing, stop outsourcing, and start listening.

You don’t need a new body.
You need a new relationship with the one you have.
Because that — that is what it means to be healed. 🌿

---